Quotations by Author

Matt Groening (1954 - )
US cartoonist & satirist [more author details]
Showing quotations 1 to 20 of 38 total Next Page ->
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
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Matt Groening, "Life in Hell"
Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania'...or 'teria'.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.
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Matt Groening, The Simpsons
Showing quotations 1 to 20 of 38 total.
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Showing quotations 1 to 20 of 38 total Next Page ->
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