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Quotations by Author

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

Matt Groening, "Life in Hell"

- More quotations on: [Love]

Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

- More quotations on: [Christmas]

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

- More quotations on: [Christmas]

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania'...or 'teria'.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Matt Groening, The Simpsons

If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.

Matt Groening, The Simpsons