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- If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.
- Edith Wharton (1862 - 1937)
- The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns (1896 - 1996)
- The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.
- Ellen DeGeneres, My Point and I Do Have One
- I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
- Ellen DeGeneres, My Point and I Do Have One
- I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
- The only good ideas are the ones I can take credit for.
- R. Stevens, Diesel Sweeties, 11-13-06
- It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal.
- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
- Good taste is the enemy of comedy.
- Mel Brooks (1926 - )
- Bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.
- Jeph Jacques, Questionable Content, 01-04-07
- There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.
- Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, March 10, 2008
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