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- What's another word for Thesaurus?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- If God dropped acid, would he see people?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed.
- Steven Wright (1955 - ), I Have a Pony
- I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- They say the sun never sets over the British Empire, but it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- If dracula can't see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!
- Steven Wright (1955 - ), Standup Comedy Routine
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