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- Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- If God dropped acid, would he see people?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
- I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."
- Steven Wright (1955 - )
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