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- Every man is thoroughly happy twice in his life: just after he has met his first love, and just after he has left his last one.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- Archbishop: a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- The worshiper is the father of the gods.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- Jury: a group of twelve men who, having lied to the judge about their hearing, health and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
- Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.
- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
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