Quotations Weblog

It’s a hard balance to achieve. How do we keep our independence and still be willing to commit ourselves to others? When is saying yes harmful to ourselves? When is saying no harmful?

I’m a big NO person. I don’t like to commit to anything. I have a hard time committing to choir practice and volunteer work. I even have a hard time committing to dinner engagements. Where do I say yes? Where do I draw the line? The more I say no, the lonlier I get. Without groups like choir or Geek Dinners, I end up feeling isolated and alone in Salt Lake City. I blame the town I live in when in reality, the opportunities were there, I just said no to them.

I’m also a big YES person. I want to take care of your cat while you’re away on vacation. I want to help you freeze 10 gallons of water in my freezer. I want to host a dinner at my house if you’ll come. All of these activities however, eventually wear me down. Not only do I get physically tired. I get tired of people. Mike calls it “peopled-out” and it’s a valid condition. Without alone time, I end up feeling over-stimulated and anti-social. I blame the people, when in reality, it was my fault for saying yes to them.

Where is the line? It’s different for everyone and my line in the sand where I balance between loneliness and over-stimulation is probably different than yours. For me, I am always trying to live in that happy medium where I don’t feel lonely and I don’t feel peopled-out. It’s a hard balance to achieve, but it is possible to keep your independence AND commit yourself to others.

What suffering have you clung to because it’s familiar? Think about it and I’m sure the answer, however unwanted, will pop into your mind.

For me, it is bingeing. I overeat when I don’t want to deal with my feelings. I have clung to this suffering by telling myself that I’m stressed and I need to eat just to calm down. It has become such a habit in my life that I rarely consciously think about it anymore.

Ironically, the bingeing causes just as many problems as I think it solves. Whenever I turn to food when I’m having a problem, I make matters worse. Not only do I have a problem, but now my eating is out of control. I suddenly have two problems instead of one.

Each of us deals with life differently. What suffering have you clung to because it’s familiar? Give yourself permission to let it go. Curb that instinct and you will find that you suddenly have one problem instead of two.

Today, try this experiment. No matter what anyone says, give them positive reinforcement. No matter how crazy their words sound to you, give them props for coming up with the idea on their own.

“I’ve been thinking of moving to Israel.”
“Wow! Good for you! Why do you want to move there?”

Sure, your brain might be reeling from the idea that your dear friend wants to move to a war-torn state, but giving them positive reinforcement will get a much more honest and open response to your question than this response:

“What’s the matter with you?! Why do you want to move there?”

Everyone has their hopes and dreams. Just today, give them as much positive feedback as you can on everything they say and watch how they light up and tell you more than you ever thought you’d hear from them.

Be one of those people who acknowledge the ones around them.

How many times have I gone against this simple principle? Not only with others but with myself. Learning to accept things the way they are is a lot harder than continually trying to change them. You would think that the work of changing myself or others would be more difficult than accepting them, but it’s not.

Hands off!

I’ve yet to learn it wholly, but it is something that I am working on. Instead of advising and suggesting ideas, I have been consciously trying to leave people alone with their decisions. Instead of continually second-guessing myself, I have been just accepting my decisions as they stand. It is a work in progress, but I truly feel that I have been calmer and happier because of it.

I hate this quote. Shame on Pearl Buck for making it sound like an artist must BLEED her art in order to have a “truly creative” mind. Don’t believe her.

An artist doesn’t need to suffer. If you are an artist, creating happily, you might feel a little like a fraud if you read Pearl’s quotation. You might feel like you’re not really an artist because a touch isn’t a blow to you. Sometimes a friend is a friend and a lover is a lover. You don’t need to be overly emotional or overly sensitive to be an artist.

All you need to do to be an artist is to create art. You need to create art and keep on creating art your entire life. You don’t need some strange, unknown, inward urgency to create. You just need to create. That’s it. You don’t need to starve. You don’t need to be overly sensitive and you certainly don’t need to bleed.