Quotations Weblog

This advice is so hard for me to follow, especially when I’m starting something new. I am a Lecture Monkey. I will spew a lecture at you like a gorilla will throw vomit at the zoo. Preventing myself from lecturing innocent victims is very difficult for me to control. There is only one way I have learned to avoid it.

I lecture in private. I write down all the things that I think I should have said to someone in my journal every day. Writing them down keeps them from escaping involuntarily from my lips the next time I see that person. When I am tempted to lecture, I think to myself, “I have to write that down later.”

Ironically, this has been the best thing in the world for me. The truth of the matter is the lecture has nothing to do with the innocent victim. No matter what they did to spur my instinct to give them advice, my advice has nothing to do with them. What I feel like I need to tell them so desperately has more to do with me and my life than with them.

I’ve found that it helps me to write down the lectures that I spared others the joy of receiving. The good advice that I was going to give them is usually something that I need to hear. I’ve found that taking a few quiet moments with the computer keys clicking under my fingers is far more beneficial to me than it could ever be to the intended focus of the lecture.

Next time you feel like you need to help someone along in this world with some “friendly” advice, try my technique. Take a few moments and write the lecture down. Reread it as if you were receiving the advice. It will probably help you out in the strangest of ways.