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- Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)
- Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882), Letters and Social Aims: The Comic, 1876
- It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968)
- Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.
- Arthur Stringer, "The Silver Poppy"
- It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge.
- Enrico Fermi (1901 - 1954)
- The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784), (attributed; also attributed to Ann Landers)
- Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
- What's the use of a good quotation if you can't change it?
- Doctor Who
- A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
- Arthur Brisbane, "The Book of Today"
- There will always be a part, and always a very large part of every community, that have no care but for themselves, and whose care for themselves reaches little further than impatience of immediate pain, and eagerness for the nearest good.
- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784), Taxation No Tyranny
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